Musings - December 2019

December kicked off in the jungle! Seriously. Part of our fantastic trip to Belize. (More soon on that.)

Books: While we were on vacation, I read up a couple of books.  One good. One laugh out loud funny. The other super bad. 
- 1000 White Women: The Journals of Mary Dodd by Jim Fergus which was an insultingly poorly written book from a woman's perspective. If you see this book - which is unfortunately soon to be a movie - just burn it.
- Secrets in Death by J.D. Robb which is standard format good and as always Eve Dallas and the delectable Rourke triumph.
- The Housewife Assassin's Handbook by Josie Brown via my now beloved Kindle Unlimited (and that was laugh out loud funny). I need to read the whole series now.

I left the two physical books at different AirBnB's in Belize for the next folks to enjoy. (If you found them and are here from that - Hey! Welcome!)

Gratitude: Kitty snuggles. Exercising with friends. Dryers that work. Quiet time. Yin yoga. Groomed dogs. Scented candles. Thank you notes.

Listening: Holiday music! (Bossa Nova Christmas. Straight No Chaser. Also my Pandora channel, Tru-Holiday.) Podcasts - Million Dollar Bad Ass; Dave Ramsey; Don't Keep Your Day Job. Guided meditations.

Perfume: Killed off a couple of small scents - the Magazine Street and the Lily B scent that has been roaming my bag. The Lily B scent was Royal Peony, Rose, & Mandarin Musk. I've finished out the month using the Willow & Water cream perfume from the Library of Flowers most days while still coveting that Henry Rose....

Random: Mentally comparing Alias and The Blacklist.Big difference in that Sidney usually got her self out of trouble and spoke multiple languages. Elisabeth is much more conventionally "American". Biggest thing in common is that Russian women stay scary. (Both their moms). 

Recipes: We put jam in crescent rolls. AND THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. It's our new breakfast of choice.

For Christmas Eve breakfast ALL THE THINGS were made:
- Crescent rolls with jams in them
- Casserole bake with tater tots + eggs + cheese
- Corn cake with fresh whipped cream and berries
- Fruit pizza
- Christmas wreaths
- Our famous oatmeal cookies, but with M&Ms



Self-Care Overview: 

It was a soap happy month. Seriously. I think I bought 15 bars. (Some were gifts.) I bought a number of them from my favorite, Cellar Door Bath and also a new local soap company. (More soon on that one.)


"Keeping the Face Young" Skincare...
Day - Mad Hippie's Vitamin C Serum then 100% Pure's Super Fruit Oil Nourishing Eye Cream and then top my whole face with light application of Pacifica's Super Flower Power Rapid Response Face Oil.  (Which, I should note, is only okay - the ingredients are fine but not life-altering. I am unlikely to buy again.) This combo seems to work well with either quick Bare Minerals powder or with full-on Juice Beauty CC Cream + finishing powder.

Night  - While we were on vacation I brought my standard travel set, DHC Olive Oil Cleanser and Face Wash. While home, I've been using the Sea Change Cleansing Balm from  a recent Boxwalla - until I ran out on 12/28. On non-travel days, at night,  for moisturizer I've been using the African Botanics Le Masque Hydralift Intense (October Boxwalla box) all over plus African Botanics's Fleur d'Afrique Oil. Winter is setting in here and my skin needs the moisture.

Let's take a moment to discuss cleansing balms. I've now tried 4 different cleansing balms. And I have thoughts....
- In a pinch, the drugstore one (not pictured) is fine. I bought Physician's Formula's Matcha 3-in-1 Cleansing Balm. If your budget is tight, decent skin care is still available to you. The ingredients aren't green but aren't bad for you (although, they could lose the dyes to improve the formula, IMO). It's unlikely to make most skin break-out and several of the ingredients (bamboo, matcha, lotus) are high on the ingredient list -denoting higher ingredient quantity.  Overall, it's a budget friendly option but would not be my first pick.
- Heart of Gold's Sea Change Balm is not as budget friendly (I got it as part of my Boxwalla package) but is fantastic. (1st pictured) The ingredient list is lush. It melts into skin and rinses off - you almost don't need a cleansing cloth. (I like one.) Given how high shea butter is on the ingredient list, it was much less greasy than I thought it would be. (Castor oil also makes the ingredient list which is funny because a friend told me it was all her elderly and gorgeous aunt used to cleanse her face.) After using it, my skin was perfectly calm. Not dry. Not oily. Not tight. Ready to get double cleanser with my DHC face wash and get moisturized. I used this in the fall and into winter, so I'm not sure if it might be a bit much for summer. It was perfect for my winter parched skin. This is my 2nd favorite for my current budget and my planned budget upgrade.
- Soko Glam's Beauty of Joseon Cleansing Balm was also fine but not a green beauty buy. (It's the 2nd one pictured.) It's heavy on the beeswax and I felt not so much moisturized as covered. Did fine on the eye make up and washed right out of the cleansing pads. I ordered this because my favorite, the 100% Pure, was out of stock. And after using it, I tried the Physician's Formula because I didn't see the point of spending that much money on this one. 
- 100% Pure Blood Orange Cleansing Balm is my favorite. (3rd pictured) Even if my mascara stains on the cleansing cloth don't wash out as well with it as the Soko or Heart of Gold. (Heart of Gold is my new fallback. But it's a bit more $$ for 1/2 the amount.) The 100% Pure is oil rich (avocado, coconut, olive oil) without being heavy - and I know it works well in summer and winter. The beeswax gives it body rather than making your face feel waxy. My only complaint is that it needs to come with a small scooper. (I repurposed the one from the PF and that radically changed how much I used to a standard small amount. Really helped with using the correct amount.) It's a generous amount of product that lasts well.

Remember - double cleanse is the way to go on any day with make-up. Remove the make up, cleanse the face. (Non-make up days, you can just cleanse the face.) 

Take good care of your skin - it's the only one you've got!

Stress: Work is better. Mostly because I've made a choice. Choices are good.

Things 13 Said: 
Did. We got facials as part of her holiday gift and she now says this is the best thing she's ever done and all her gifts forever can be spa certificates.

Said. We were making sugar cookies and I told her I had no idea what I was doing while trying to make black frosting (it was supposed to be an accent color but I made too much.) She said," That's okay. Sometimes it's fun to experiment." As usual, a fairly brilliant observation. (I often suspect she's going to be a life coach.)

Watching: Bob Hearts Abishola. Mom. Bull. I'm trying to finish up Orange is the New Black but I feel like I started it when I was a different person and now I'm just not interested. Maybe it's the issue with Tastee. Caught a new show called Emergence and I adore the sheriff! Binged the whole season - including a 2am wake up to finish the last episode. I also devoured season 4 of The Magicians. (Margo. Queen. Yessssss.) We got the Disney+ as part of a package and well, there has been some Marvel universe happening in the house.

Take- away - Never make decisions from a place of fear. Always know, you are enough, you are valuable and there is always a way.

Original musings posts you may enjoy:

- Musings - November 2019
- Musings - October 2019
- Musings - September 2019
- Musings - August 2019
- Musings - July 2019
- Musings - June 2019
- Musings - May 2019
- Musings - April 2019
- Musings - March 2019
- Musings - February 2019
- Musings - January 2019
- Musings - December 2018
- Musings - November 2018
- Musings - October 2018
- Musings - September 2018
- Musings - August 2018
- Musings - July 2018
- Musings - June 2018

- Musings - May 2018
- Musings - April 2018
- Musings - March 2018
- Musings - February 2018
- Musings - January 2018

- Musings - December 2017

- Musings - November 2017

- Musings - October 2017

- Musings - August 2017
- Musings - June 2017
- Where Did March Go?

- Musings - February 2017
- Musings - January 2017

All photos by moi! And you can tell...

*Juice Beauty is a staple in my beauty cabinet. I stray, I try other things - but it's my favorite "foundation" (I used the CC Cream) and great skin care. If you like Juice Beauty too, here is a link. I do get a small commission (at no cost to you) when you use these links which helps support this blog.

- Skin Care by Juice Beauty

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To My Girls - Part 3

It's time to discuss gratitude and thank you notes! As you move into world of adulthood, these two things will serve you well.

Did you know December 26th, in addition to Boxing Day, was National Thank You Note Day? Did you miss it? No worries - thank you notes can be sent other days.  (National Handwriting Day is January 23rd, for example.)

First, my girls, remember that grateful hearts see beauty others miss - and receive more opportunities. You really are among the lucky. (Most Americans are.) When you spend time being grateful for what you have, you may just realize how very much you truly do have. There is a reason that gratitude is part of my monthly musings. Some days, when my head isn't in a grateful place, I'll write down 3 things I'm grateful for that day. Gratitude is a beautiful trait.

Second, my girls, a well-meant "thank you" note is a treasure. Tangible evidence of you and your gratitude. A slice of a moment in time to be treasured. A well-written thank you note is actually a gift back to the receiver of your appreciation. Thank you notes are beautiful expressions of appreciation (which is all manners really are).

When is appropriate to send a thank you note? (Almost always!)

• After attending a dinner or event at someone's home. (They went to effort to host you. It is appropriate to acknowledge it.) 
• After receiving a gift - be it: birthday, holiday, or special occasion like a a graduation open house or a wedding. (Again, the giver spent time selecting the gift as well as hard-earned money/time on the gift. It is appropriate to acknowledge it.)
• If someone does you a kindness. (Examples: they help you plant a garden or help you move or watch your dog without payment or write you a recommendation letter.)
• Sometimes I send them just because. (I could not agree more with this Southern Living article on why write thank you notes.) 

What is in a thank you note? Five simple elements:

1. Their name
2. That you appreciate the effort, sentiment or thought (or care or time)
3. What you like (even if it is just that they thought of you)
4. The words "thank you"
5. Your signature

Thank you notes are best hand-written. Preferably written on nice stationery and mailed. They can be emailed. Text, while sub-optimal, is better than not acknowledging the gift but certainly not memorable.

Hand-written thank you notes do not have to be lengthy tomes. They can be very brief. I've written them in as little as 3 minutes. (And as long as an hour with multiple drafts for a business one.) The hardest part can be finding the address! (I tend to solve that by just writing the name on the envelope and then looking up the addresses later after I several notes written. Alternatively, sometimes I pre-write the addresses per day and then do a bunch of notes on a specific day.)

And for those thinking, but.....I don't have an address, stamps, paper. Etc. STOP. Stamps can be bought at any post office or grocery store customer service counter - or even online! Any paper will do in a pinch. And if they sent it to you, you have their address. (Pro tip - when people mail you things, add their address to your phone contact for them.) You can also look up their address on the on-line white pages. You can always find an excuse. Be better at finding a reason to show people they matter to you.

What is NOT appropriate for thank you notes? 

• Generic "thanks for coming" pre-printed cards. Especially when combined with a holiday greeting like an etiquette two-for-one sale! It is simply not done! (Oh, I've seen it done, and recently. It wasn't pretty. Especially since the wedding was more than 6 months from Christmas!) It's the thank you equivalent of a mass mailing. That is most certainly not a treasure and shows zero appreciation on your part. To prove you were not raised by wolves, a hand-written "thank you" and hand-writing their name in greeting would lend a personal touch to an impersonal act.
• A picture. Unless you are under age 5 in which case a picture, especially hand-drawn or of you using the gift, is perfect. (Side note, one of the aunts once gave us all framed pictures of herself for Christmas. Height of narcissism. I do believe my mother still wrote her a thank you note.) And if that is done, as I've recently received, the bare minimum one can do is personalize with a small handwritten note, especially for family, on what you liked or appreciated about their pictured gift.
• Texts are borderline. Not preferable as they have no longevity and display next to no effort on your part, but they are better than nothing.
• Mentioning specific amounts of money received. (Or gift card amounts.) It's best to just thank them for their generosity.

For more specific guidance, Southern Living has a great Dos and Don'ts article on thank you notes - because Southerners have elevated thank you notes to an art form. (They even have a video option on that.) Whole books have been written on the art of thank you notes! (Some of you girls may remember I own several.) One of my cousins writes the most beautiful notes - letterpress handwriting and the perfect sentiment, every time - I aspire to be as good at them as she is! 

Here's a real life example of thank you notes for wedding gifts. If you had 100 guests, post honeymoon, sending 1 thank you note a day would get it all done in about 3 months. Two a day and you are done in less than 2 months! Contrary to old etiquette rules, you do NOT have a year after the wedding to send thank you notes. After the honeymoon, get rolling on those thank you notes. It will make you grateful for everything you received and what a beautiful way to start a shared life! (Plus, the sooner things like that get done, in my world, the less guilt/undone work I'm spending energy on in my head. But that may just be me.)

I know several of my girls have rolled their eyes while reading this and are thinking I'm old fashioned and thank you notes are ridiculous. Wrong. Thank you notes are timeless. Thank you notes are about more than "manners". They are part of the intricate fabric of social kindnesses that make bonds of friendship tighter. In this digital age, given how many envelopes one receives that are bills - what a joy to open a nice note from someone you love! Wouldn't you like to bring joy to someone? Especially someone who did you a kindness or gave you a gift? Aren't they worth 3 minutes and $0.50?

Whether or not you get those thank you notes out -  please remember 3 things, my darlings: I believe in you. I love you. And, I am proud of you. Always. (But a little prouder when you send thank you notes to people and they mention it to me.)

PS. Thank you notes also make a difference in business. They may be why you get the job or keep the client. Here are two resources:
- Templates for post-interview thank you notes
- The business impacts of thank you notes

Pictures are my own + Unsplash (first image)

Other posts you might enjoy:

- To My Girls - Part 2 (Keeping House)
- To My Girls - Part 1 (Self-Care)

Hey! If you are enjoying these pieces to my girls, you might like one of the digital books I wrote, Taking Back Control of Your Life. 

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Musings - October 2019

October is always a transitional month. It starts Q4 and is the run up to the holidays with a side of settling into school. I decided to settle into a "get moving" theme for the month with street named perfume, road called lipstick and some adventure.

Books: Travel month! So, in addition to finishing Buying Signals by Nikki Rausch,  I picked up a new book, Hello! My Name is Awesome by Alexandra Watkins. Both of which I ADORED as business books by smart women and am telling everyone about.

Kindle Unlimited. 
- All 3 of the Rosie O'Grady's Paranormal Bar and Grill books by B.R. Kingsolver
- Winter Hours by Mary Oliver

There were other books during the travel, but I didn't get them all finished. (Pictured but they don't count yet.) 

Gratitude: Couch snuggles. Local coffee shops that remember what you like. Kittens! (They are a year old now. Maybe I should call them "young cats"? They are big - over 9lb each - but have baby faces and are so cuddly. Kali especially likes to come talk to me about all her woes in the morning. It's so cute!) October blue skies. Dinners with friends. Orange trees. Discounts at nice hotels. Soda fountains with alcoholic drinks. Unexpected water and fire shows. Art and wine.  And buying yourself a bouquet because you just damn want flowers.

Listening: My own thoughts. They are B-I-G right now. And during a LONG driving trip, Dan Carlin's Hardcore History, which you can rock through at 1.5 speed and not miss a thing.

Perfume: It's October. Time for a change. I went with the new mini bottle of Magazine Street that Strange Invisible Perfume is offering. (And it became part of my weird travel theme.)

And I nearly forgot! I tried out perfumes! Skylar is the brand (clean perfume, made in the USA.) And... on me, it had ZERO sillage. I loved the easy packaging. I loved the fresh scents - and they were just as described. I loved the mix suggestions. (Arrow and Meadow were my two favorites   - possibly because they were the ones that stayed on - and I liked them better mixed.) But if it doesn't stay on my skin but 30 minutes - it's a bust as a fragrance.  
- Isle - Clean, Dewy, Fresh
- Coral - Fruity, Floral, Flirty
- Arrow - Spicy, warm, seductive
- Meadow - Floral, Chic, Beautiful
- Capri - Sparkling, Citrus, Sweet
- Willow - Woodsy, Cool, Lush
That said, I'm still tempted by the pricepoint on ordering Arrow and Meadow as a duo.....

Random: 
1) I now know the historical meaning of Bar and Grill - and it's not what you think it is. That meaning is also very well suited to the Kingsolver book.

2) I rented the cutest car for a business road trip. I wore Magazine Street perfume and Kismet's Country Roads lipstick on the trip to be on theme.

Recipes: Oatmeal cookie update! We've discovered I had inadvertently modified the standard recipe - and we like it more! (Here's the link to what we started with.) We've done it up with the blueberries and with chocolate chips. Both good.  

Here's my recipe (and yes, use this order to put it together):
- 2 sticks butter, very soft 
- 2 cups packed dark brown sugar
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
- 3 cups oats (old fashioned or quick cook)
- 3 eggs (beaten)
- nuts,  dried berries or chocolate chips to taste

Mix well before you get in the eggs. (I mix after vanilla extract. I also mix after flour. And again after oats. I use a fork.) Add beaten eggs 1 at a time. Once throughly mixed, spoon onto parchment lined-pan in even amounts. (It makes about 18 cookies for me - but we make BIG cookies).

Bake at 350 degrees for about 12 minutes. 

Self-Care Overview: 

I've been wearing Country Roads lipstick the second half of the month. It's part of my travel theme. (See top image for color.)

Soap of the month was Morning Dew. (The label says... lily of the valley. hyacinth. wisteria. spring blooms poking though the ground after a fresh soaking rain.) Very feminine and fresh. I took it with me on 3 trips (Philadelphia, Grand Rapids, St. Louis).


Keeping the Face Young Skincare...
Day - I killed off the Juice Beauty oil early in the month. So full switch for day to Mad Hippie's Vitamin C Serum then 100% Pure's Super Fruit Oil Nourishing Eye Cream and then top my whole face with light application of Pacifica's Super Flower Power Rapid Response Face Oil.  Seems to work well with either quick Bare Minerals powder or with full-on Juice Beauty CC Cream + finishing powder.

Night  - There was some travel. When I travel, I tend to use my DHC Beauty samples as night as lotions and to try different products. I also take my DHC Oilve Oil Cleanser and Face Wash during travel. (I love my various cleansing balms, but when I travel, I don't want to use the hotel washcloths on my face - who knows what those were laundered in?!? And balms need a face cloth wipe, for sure.) On non-travel days, at night, I've been using the African Botanics's Cell Recovery Serum all over plus African Botanics's Fleur d'Afrique Oil topped with either 1) Sweet Briar Hydrating Nectar by Heart of Gold that came in the Boxwalla box in August or 2) FlowerSpice Soothe and Repair Daily Moisturizer from the April box. Nearing the end of the the African Botanical Cell Recovery and I'm sad. (Not a pricepoint that's friendly to my current life.)

Confession - I still haven't figured out how to use that Grommage Gel from the August box. Never seems to work for me.

As always, we wait to see who says I look young. (I think the best was the Earthwise serums for that.) And NO! The Meijer store kid just clicked "over 40" as I bought my wine.

Stress: Big life things are in flux. Change is a wave you've got to learn to surf. Oddly, knowing that and making CHOICES (feeling empowered) helped a lot with my stress this month.

Things 13 Said: Did. She's become a tater-tot thief. To which she tells me "Who counts their tater-tots?" Me. The answer is me because you steal them.

We went to visit her 19 year old sister at art school. We surprised her at work - and then stayed there as she works at a hotel! (Cute space, too and walking distance to lots of things.) 

The 3 of us tried rock climbing as our fun adventure. The girls were naturals! (I'm more of a natural anchor. But I did give it a college try.) And if you have never done it - it's hauling your entire weight up by your arms while balancing on small stones, then trusting a rope to not drop you to your death. I'd do it again. 


Watching: Designing Women on Hulu! Blacklist on Netflix. (Is it weird I want to BE Reddington when I grow up?) Schitts Creek on Netflix. And my spirit animal, Jessica Wong, is back in play with Fresh off the Boat.

Take- away - Some times you have to set boundaries with other people. But, you get to define the boundaries of you. Maybe it's time for you to stretch those boundaries!

Original musings posts you may enjoy:

- Musings - September 2019
- Musings - August 2019
- Musings - July 2019
- Musings - June 2019
- Musings - May 2019
- Musings - April 2019
- Musings - March 2019
- Musings - February 2019
- Musings - January 2019
- Musings - December 2018
- Musings - November 2018
- Musings - October 2018
- Musings - September 2018
- Musings - August 2018
- Musings - July 2018
- Musings - June 2018

- Musings - May 2018
- Musings - April 2018
- Musings - March 2018
- Musings - February 2018
- Musings - January 2018

- Musings - December 2017

- Musings - November 2017

- Musings - October 2017

- Musings - August 2017
- Musings - June 2017
- Where Did March Go?

- Musings - February 2017
- Musings - January 2017

- Message in a Bottle (2016)

All photos by moi! And you can tell...

*Juice Beauty is a staple in my beauty cabinet. I stray, I try other things - but it's my favorite "foundation" (I used the CC Cream) and great skin care. If you like Juice Beauty too, here is a link. I do get a small commission (at no cost to you) when you use these links which helps support this blog.

- Skin Care by Juice Beauty

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La Familia

There was a maternal family event in May, and it was just as soul-crushingly alienating as I feared. It was supposed to be a joyous event for the child I spent her first year living with, who spent every weekend with me when her mother couldn't handle 2 kids so divergent in ages, whom I sat with and spoke to her admission counselor to get her into the higher education program she ended up graduating from, who I talked the same program into taking back on a special schedule after a serious illness. This child who is not my daughter or my niece but something of both.

And it was a family event - except I'm not family anymore - that's blindingly apparent they treat me.

From being told about the event with bare weeks to spare (and having to move business travel plans because of it) when family was told at the holidays months before - to being completely left out of the day-before activities - to being left out of the post-event activities. Which would've hurt less, except - my family sat around the family reception table, where they asked us to sit, talking about the night before (to which I hadn't been invited) and plans for the next day (to which I also wasn't invited). It was all emotionally isolating. I tried to be positive and not start trouble - but I'm sure I failed at the first part.

Side note: And then there was the actual event when my mother's odious guest was astonishingly rude - throughout the whole reception. (It's lovely to be grilled on your marital status and called fat.)

This experience was not different than NOT being invited to other family events since La Gram Russe passed - notably, Thanksgiving 2018, Christmas 2018 and New Years or a certain girl's open house in the past 6 months. I'd been asked to 1 family event in the prior 15 months - Easter 2019 by a sweet cousin. But I had plans as the invitation planning was late. (Family - wonder why I'm not there? Perhaps ask if I was invited.) In the 12 month prior to that, I had to beg to be included in Thanksgiving 2017 that was being hosted in my mother's home. She has chosen time and again her sisters over me - perhaps because I told her until she addressed how they treat me in a meaningful way, I would not attend. Perhaps because telling everyone I'm busy alienates me from them further while preserving her place. Likely. She does worry overmuch about how people think of her.

I'm sure any maternal family reading this would say "It was K's day and NOT about you!" - yes, it absolutely was. And so I kept my peace. 

Here's the thing, I came for K but I'm D-O-N-E being treated like an after-thought and then being punished and reprimanded for feeling hurt by that lack of consideration you extend to each other. I honestly don't think it's a concerted effort - more the death by a thousand careless cuts. The reason being - none of you care. Each cut highlights a lack of connection. It started with one aunt, who seemed to need to continually demean me to elevate her own family, but there are others. The flighty aunt who sent my birthday card with my cousins' - which meant for more than 8 years I received my card 5 months late like the afterthought it was - and in person belittled anything I felt sacred. The mean comments on my appearance by another aunt (the bar drunk) from the time I hit my teens on, as well as her dogged insistence that I am wrong about everything up to and including the color of the sky! And then there is the aunt who claims to be Switzerland and does not ever defend me and or stop them. Her excuse is always -  "That's just the way they are" - no, that's the way we, as a family, have allowed them to become*. The finishing touch is my mother's silent acceptance of her family's treatment of me. The same way she accepted her husband's mistreatment of me. Always her reputation among others before me. 

My mother's acceptance of what her family said to me and how they treated me- always a ready excuse and a reason I needed to understand/accept their poor behavior, just this one time - normalized it until I didn't expect any better treatment for myself from anyone. For years my mother's silence towards their behavior equaled acceptance and allowed the treatment to become normalized by me and within the family...and then escalate. She never noticed; she certainly never intervened. We have reached a plateau where friends I bring to family events - with zero prompting or preparation from me - comment on how badly they treat me. At this point, there are too many cuts. There's no way back because none of you see what you do. In your minds, it's somehow always me.

Family - ha! La Gram Russe never taught you what family is. She taught us to survive. So here it is, the definition of "Family" is caring and support. You have not done either for me for more than 40 years. You follow each other on social media - but not me. You buy each others' business products - but not mine. (Mother - you figured out online dating and how to stalking your sister's ex on Facebook - but can't figure out how to order the book I wrote? I sent you a free copy. I can see it's been 3 years and you still haven't downloaded it - my sales page updates me with contacts. That book and my others are also on this blog, so don't tell me you lost the email. Great job on the support, mom!) When you see me, if you ask me anything about my life at all, you ask closed-ended questions based on incorrect assumptions. I know I'm the one who communicates for a living, but basic adulting skills would teach you how to interact with people better than that! Y'all must be a joy at parties. It's good that we're a pretty people, you need the help! But my Southern gram taught me pretty is as pretty does - and I see in your actions what you are.  

As a family, your interest piques when you see me or when you need something from me. I'm the call you make when you need a plan or to get someone out of a sticky situation or clean up a legal mess. And have been for more than 20 years. That's my action - saving your various selves from everything from childcare to FBI issue and through to legal help. La Gram Russe called me the family sheriff. Did you know that? She saw my role and how you treated me.

There's a Hawaiian forgiveness act I've been reading about. It seems graceful. I think I'm a bit spiteful in the application of it, but this is what I've got for Ho'oponopono:
- I'm sorry  - I was never enough for you to see me as a person in my own right and value that person
- Please forgive me - for needing you to be to me what you were to each other
- Thank you - for teaching me what family should never be
- I love you  - enough to set you free from the apparent burden of being my family 

* Something I recently read that resonated with how my maternal family has grown to treat me - "Every now and then, a group of people assumes the traits and behaviors of sociopaths. Maybe one person in the group completely and permanently lost their doughnuts several decades prior, and slowly, each member of the group learns that playing along with this singular menace is the only way to survive. Eventually, the members of the group are so utterly confused and gaslit by each other that they enforce the will of the group and nod along with bizarre opinions until they can’t even remember what it means to think logically or have free will or behave like other regular human beings on the face of the planet." - Read it all by clicking here.

Family, next situation or mess - find a new number to call. The sheriff has left her post.

Other posts on my attempts to deal with the family situation:
- Gifts and Expectations
- Message in a Bottle (aka the impossible aunt)


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Musings - May 2019

May is one of my favorite months of the year - that change to spring. I didn't even mind - much - all the rain. It delayed the need to put in the garden.  

Books: I may have gone a bit overboard with the "read 2 books per month to break even" on Kindle Unlimited thing. I will say reading reduces stress, by far. There is solace in a good book - or any world other than your own.

How does overboard look? Well....I've been binging Raven Snow's Lainswich Witches, books Number 5 through Number 17 so far. I flew through Shannon Mayer's Celtic Legacy trilogy (enjoyable but not up to her usual standards). Plus,  Little Boy Lost by JD Trafford  - which reads a bit false like the author wasn't the narrator. Storm Cursed by Patricia Briggs was a mid-month excitement. Plus The Orphan Daughter by Cari Noga, which is set in mid-Michigan and on a farm.

In proper books, I read Lysa TerKeurst's Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. I first spotted this book in late 2017 when I was forwarded a note explaining everyone in the family's job for Christmas from an unknown number. (I didn't take it as an invitation to join them. My mother lied to her family and said I wasn't there because I was busy.) I wanted it then but thought it too Christian for my taste. But after a stressful family event this month, I saw one lone copy in an airport bookstore. It was meant for me.

Gratitude: Sweet kittens. Good friends who make you vegan tacos for a lovely dinner at thier home. Surprise lunch with friends. Music and wine. Adult coloring at the winery. Garden shopping with #NotMyDaughter. 

Listening: Dave Ramsey. Inner Shift podcast. P!nk.

Perfume: Finishing out that  Les Perfumes de Rosine Majalis. It seems a bit less fragrant and seems not to be staying as well (less sillage). I'm wondering if it's because I stopped keeping it in the fridge or maybe Henry Rose spoiled me. Re-starting Ofresia by Diptyque. 

Random: There was a bunny in the yard. He's my new bestie. 

Recipe: Nope. Travelled too much to cook this month.

Self-Care: I've been trying out the Earthwise products I got as part of my Boxwalla's a few months ago. The Boxwalla monthly beauty box is a fantastic value and lets you try different things at a reduced price.

The Daily Basics

- Day - During travel, I've been using the Earthwise Resiliency Face Serum for day. During weeks at home, I'm using the Juice Beauty line for brightening emulsion, serum, eye cream, CC cream. (So, on the Earthwise days, I tried the H2O Serum around the eye area. Not for me. Causes stinging and tightening in that area for me. But my forehead likes it at night!)

- Night - Hurrah! I finally finished out that   Predire Eye Care Anti-Aging Night Serum. (And reminder, I did not pay retail for it). I have to say, for the price (even the sale price) if didn't work as well as I'd think. Things with Co10 Enzyme work better for keeping the wrinkles at bay for me. All over moisturizer, most nights, is H2O Infinity Renewing Youth Serum (which I got on mega-clearance of $28) and which seems to be running out quickly - also, my skin doesn't love it when sun-stressed. During travel weeks, I've been using the Earthwise Beauty Yasuni Balm.  I'm still using Little Barn Apothecary oil to touch the eyes and forehead at night.

I ordered some Earthwise products after liking the BoxWalla trials. For samples, Earthwise included "Nap in a Meadow" which is the tiny green jar above and to the side here - along with the whole order. Loving it for post-garden days! I've also been doing pale blue nails of various types. No idea why. 

Stress: There was a maternal family event, and it was just as soul-crushingly alienating as I feared. It was supposed to be a joyous event. It was just weirdly alienating.

In other news, I changed the internet password after 2 years of the teen kidlets not picking up after themselves and sassed me. They have retaliated by pretending I don't exist. It's kind of peaceful. (I randomly hug them to prove I do exist.)

Things 12 said: Nothing interesting. I swear she's moved to monosyllables as she approaches 13...

Watching: Grimm (finished it). Finding Carter. Season 2 of Claws.

Take-away - Boundaries and reactions. Put your boundaries in place and keep your reaction in line with how much energy the offender deserves of your precious life force. 

Original musings posts you may enjoy:

- Musings - April 2019
- Musings - March 2019
- Musings - February 2019
- Musings - January 2019
- Musings - December 2018
- Musings - November 2018
- Musings - October 2018
- Musings - September 2018
- Musings - August 2018
- Musings - July 2018
- Musings - June 2018

- Musings - May 2018
- Musings - April 2018
- Musings - March 2018
- Musings - February 2018
- Musings - January 2018

- Musings - December 2017

- Musings - November 2017

- Musings - October 2017

- Musings - August 2017
- Musings - June 2017
- Where Did March Go?

- Musings - February 2017
- Musings - January 2017

- Message in a Bottle (2016)

All photos by moi! And you can tell...

*Juice Beauty is a staple in my beauty cabinet. I stray, I try other things - but it's my favorite "foundation" (I used the CC Cream) and great skin care. If you like Juice Beauty too, here is a link. I do get a small commission (at no cost to you) when you use these links which helps support this blog.

- Skin Care by Juice Beauty

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