A year is 365 days (most years). That's time to think. Time to mourn. Time to grow.
This week I've been in Canada. (Hey, Toronto - I had a great time. On my calendar to come back.). As I usually take quick 1-2 day trips for business, packing for this trip revealed a surprise.
Up in the attic, I pulled down a suitcase with fold-over capacity. A suitcase good for 3-6 days travel, depending on how you pack. Built-in hangers that are great for suits or dresses. Corner pockets perfect for scarves and jewelry. Still in the suitcase's corner pocket was the tiara - yes, tiara - I wore on the flight to my wedding. "Bride To Be" in shiny letters with a bit of veil-like netting. (He dared me to wear it on the plane - I never pass up a dare.) That suitcase had held my wedding dress 4 years ago.
I looked at that tiara for a minute or two. And it brought back not one good memory. It just made me think of how I'd been fooled and played for a fool. I put the tiara in the trash, and I realized my life is very much the same and yet totally different 364 days* after my divorce.
Today would've been my wedding anniversary. I'm not sad. I'm blessed. I've got a job I love, a nice guy in my life, a little house that needs some work and a vast community of people who love me. More people than I ever knew. That was the blessing in disguise for me - I thought I lost love when I got divorced. Instead, I found out I'm loved by more people than I ever knew. As new people enter my life, I also learned I'm both worthy of love and lovable.
Take-away - To paraphrase Anais Nin - one day the caterpillar thought she was going to die. She slept in pain and struggle and awoke a butterfly.
*Yeah, if you did math the divorce was final a day after our anniversary. Choices. His. Always.