As we've finalized the details of separation and sorted through who did what to whom, one thing has become crystal clear to me. The truth of what happened is actually not black and white when made up of feelings. It is much more than a simple "this happened, then this happened".
I've said before that truth is a two-sided coin. Both sides are needed to create a whole truth. I believe that. I have also come to believe that truth in a relationship is the culmination of all the feelings, the actions those feelings inspired, our view (through lenses of insecurity in same cases) of those actions, and the input of all the voices. Whether the voices be in our head or from the many other people in our lives, they form part of our truth - especially when we lose sight of our personal guidepost.
Truth is complex, multi-layered. It shifts as we learn new information and see with new eyes. It is stripped away as other motivations become clear. It is confusing as we find our secrets were betrayed by a loved one. I've heard the phrase "naked, unvarnished truth". I don't believe it applies to relationships. You may bare your soul naked, but the truth of a relationship is always clothed in beliefs and feelings that are more felt than seen. That doesn't make the relationship any less true, just a little less honest.
Take-away - Honor your truth. You may be the only one who really understands it. Don't try to justify it. It is enough that you know it.
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